


When I leave this world, ( I'll leave no regrets. )

by svcculents



Series: Life after Alec [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Cassie said the family was gonna get bigger, Character Death, Family, M/M, Past Character Death, So I gave Max siblings, This is my first fanfic ok, how do you tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5312393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svcculents/pseuds/svcculents
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max Lightwood-Bane hated December. He hated the happiness and the people. He hated the lights and he hated the cheer. But what did Mundies know? They were born, they lived and they died. All in a blink of an eye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I leave this world, ( I'll leave no regrets. )

Max Lightwood-Bane hated December. He hated the happiness and the people. He hated the lights and he hated the cheer. But what did Mundies know? They were born, they lived and they died. All in a blink of an eye. Max mused over this, looking down at his coffee. He never snapped his fingers and made it appear. He only made it. It's what he knew, it was familiar. And it reminded him of Daddy. He blinked slowly, wiping at his eyes. He had to be strong today. Dad needed him.

Max stared at the coffee, silently willing it to do something. A snap of his fingers, a wave of his hand, that would do the trick. Max's lip curled in a sneer and he threw the cup at the wall. The cup exploded into pieces, hot brown liquid hitting the wall, some of it splashing on him. Max didn't care. He didn't care about anything, anymore. Nothing mattered.

Max snapped his fingers, and watched the pieces of the cup come together. The cracks disappeared and it looked good as new. Every drop lifted itself and flew into the newly fixed cup. He ran a hand through his curls, his fingers curling into a fist. _I should see if I woke Dad up_ , he thought.

Max began to climb up the stairs, careful not to wake his siblings. Bella was most likely awake, anyway. Raphael, however, needed as much sleep as he could get today. So did Dad. He was already dysfunctional as it was. Max shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Check on Dad, then lose your mind, he told himself. Max opened the door to his fathers room slowly, taking in his surroundings. The bed was unmade, spell books were strewn all over the floor. The bed was unmade and a figure was curled up on top of it.

Dad was wearing a familiar sweater, worn and gray, holes in it. His nails were painted black, and he didn't have a speck of glitter on him. The only makeup he had on was vertical streaks of black down his cheeks. He'd been crying. Max couldn't blame him. The bow and arrows were framed, hanging above the dresser. He gazed at it, sighing. It had been years. Yet it was still too soon. He made his way over to Dad, looking down at him sadly. He seemed smaller, weaker, paler. He refused to eat, he barely came out of his room. He would light up when he saw Max, Bella, or Raphael. They would spend hours in his room, not saying anything. They lay together, Max with his arms around Dad. Bella would be next to Dad, her face buried in his neck. Raphael would lay across Dad's legs and try to make him laugh. Sometimes he would succeed and Dad would tell him he sounded like Uncle Jace. Other times Dad would just stare at him blankly. When this happened, Bella would give Raph a warning kick. He'd stop immediately.

Max was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard a soft "mew." A large gray-blue cat made its way onto the bed, next to his father. Max stared at it in astonishment. He hadn't seen this cat in years. The last time he saw it, he was 25. Now he was a 78 year old in a 25 year old man's body. Immortality was overrated. The cat, however, was also immortal. He wondered if it liked it. Judging from the look it was giving him, he guessed not. "Church," he began. "What on earth are you doing here?" Church didn't answer. Max tried to pet him and got scratched. He gave up and turned back to his father. Max pushed his hair back and kissed his cheek gently. "I love you," he whispered. Dad stirred slightly, but he didn't wake up. Max shook his head and snapped his fingers. A blanket draped itself over his father's thin body. He made sure his father was asleep before slipping out the door. He looked over his shoulder, pursing his lips. Church had settled on Dad's chest. The damn cat hated everyone. But it never hated his parents.

Max closed the door quietly, and turned around, only to nearly walk into his sister. Bella started, looking at him in surprise. "What're you doing up?" she asked gently. He wondered why she was asking, she already knew why. "Couldn't sleep," he murmured. "You should go back to bed." She shook her head, standing in her toes to look behind him. "Is he.. Is he okay?" She whispered, looking back at Max. He studied her, taking in the dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes were bloodshot and red, dried tears on her face. Her purple hair was a mess. There was blood on the side of her mouth, he noticed. He wiped it off with his thumb and she jumped. "Sorry," he whispered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "And no. He's getting worse. I don't know what to do."

Bella dropped her eyes, staring at the ground. "I hate this. I hate being immortal. I want to be normal, I want to die." "Don't we all?" A new voice interrupted. A boy was leaning against his door, pale gray fists rubbing his eyes. Max's heart nearly broke at the sight. It made him look like a child, a sixteen year old boy. Not a 59 year old. Bella rushed into his arms, and started to shake and cry. Max walked over to his brother and wrapped his arms around the both of them. His siblings and his father were all he had. And today brought out the worst in all of them. His mind drifted again and he remembered when Dad brought Raphael home.

_Max was trying to teach his baby sister how to draw inside the lines when a loud yell of "Alec! I need your help!" was heard. He turned his head to see his Daddy running out. When he came back in, he was holding a baby. Dad came in after him, looking exhausted. He was bleeding, his shirt torn up. "Never join a Mundane cult," he told Max. Max nodded, utterly confused. He winced and gripped his arm. "You're bleeding," Bella informed him. Dad put his hand to the cut, and Max watched delightedly as the blue sparks flew. When Dad took his hand away, the cut was gone. Bella giggled poked the patch of skin where the cut was. Magic fascinated the young shadowhunter. She loved magic, and everything to do with it._

_Max's train of thought was cut off when Daddy came back in, the baby still in his arms. Bella shot up, running to him. "It's a baby," she said excitedly. Daddy smiled at her and nodded. "A warlock baby," he told her. "Like Max and Dad?" Bella gasped, looking like it was Christmas morning. Daddy chuckled, moving the blanket so they could see the baby. It was a boy, with white hair and gray skin. When he opened his eyes, Max's eyes widened. The baby's eyes were violet. He'd never seen purple eyes before. Dad waved his hand over the baby, his rings beginning to sparkle. The baby gurgled and reached for Dad's hand. Daddy shook his head, looking exasperated. His eyes gave him away, they were filled with love as he gazed at Dad. Bella begged them to keep the baby, and they finally relented. They named him Raphael. Raphael Christopher Lightwood-Bane._

Max buried his face in Raph's head, wondering what happened to his family. What made them so broken? He knew the answer, of course. It had started with Bella. When Bella turned sixteen, she was bitten. They were all there when Lily showed up at the Institute door. A girl was lying in her arms, blood circling her pale neck. He remembered Grandma Maryse fainting, Uncle Jace getting his seraph blade out. Daddy's scream of, "NO!" Someone in Lily's clan went rogue. Whoever it was, they thought it would be hilarious to turn the Warlock and Shadowhunter's daughter. Lily assured them that they would be taken care of. She kept her promise. Quite a few of her clan were in on it. At least twenty vampires were burned that day. None of that mattered because when it was time to bury Bella, no one was ready. When she dug herself up, hungry for blood, Daddy was sobbing. He looked a lot older than he was, his hands were shaking. Max had to hold them tightly. He watched as Dad walked forward, gently touching her face. Her head had snapped up, fangs out. She snatched the bag of blood from him and Max had closed his eyes, not able to look.

Now, it had been years. She had control. She and Raph liked to tell people they were fraternal twins. They both did stop aging at sixteen. Max and Dad found it funny. Daddy, not so much. Bella called Daddy, 'Papa.' Raph would just call them both 'Dad.' Max had always called him Daddy. Daddy had never minded. He'd always just smile and kiss Max's cheek, telling him that Max would always be the baby that Uncle Simon found at the Academy. He sighed, slowly pulling away from his siblings. "Go back to bed, both of you. It's nearly seven and I doubt either of you slept last night." Bella simply nodded, pulling Raph with her. Raph gave Max a small smile. Max made a shooing motion with his hand, watching Raph's smile grow. He smiled back at his little brother before turning away, the smile sliding off his face. It was becoming harder and harder to act happy, these days. It had been more than thirty years. And yet no one was accepting it. They probably weren't ever going to accept it.

Max made his way downstairs, his feet steering him in the direction of the living room. It was the last place he wanted to go, but he couldn't stop walking. The minute he was inside the room, he felt like there was no air in the room. His father was everywhere. He was with Uncle Jace and Uncle Simon and Dad. He was with Aunt Isabelle when she was pregnant. He was with Uncle Jem and Aunt Tessa, his arms around them both. He looked happy, he looked peaceful. Max tried his hardest not to look at the picture he know would send him into an immediate mental breakdown. But he looked. He looked and the tears began to roll down his cheeks. There were his fathers, on their wedding day. Daddy had just turned twenty five. He was dressed in gold, just like Dad was. They were wrapped in each other's arms, Max standing by their legs. He was only 4, but he remembered every part of that day. Max's knees buckled and he fell to the floor, beginning to sob. He didn't notice that his father was awake, and walking towards him. He didn't notice until he was in familiar arms, a soothing hand running through his hair. "I want him back," he gasped out, tears blurring his vision. "I know, my darling." Magnus whispered. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first ever fanfic. of course i wrote it for my favorite series of all time.  
> also, my tumblr is larryismyaesthetic. come talk to me! or yell at me for "heart breaking material" as one commentator said. sorry guys! but yeah, please come talk to me :)


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